Do I understand what love is????

Do I understand what love is?

not sure ...but I guess a little bit

a little bit ,which is too much

haven't loved and lost because never had her

still there is something I miss

something which was never there

but still occupied a space in my heart

heart which was engraved by her thoughts

thoughts of loving her and being loved

but do thoughts matter in love??

do I understand what love is? not sure

Filled my heart with emotions

and left, not once but twice

she didn't even stayed for a while

just crossed across my path

to leave me longing and waiting

love is not meant to be fair I guess

all this waiting and yearning hurts

the sudden emptiness of dreams hurts

the unspoken words still long to be heard

but they say pain is also a part of love

do I understand what is love? a little bit

But hurting is not all that love is

because I smile when I think of the

late night conversations we had

I smile thinking how stupid I was

to write such mails to her

no wonder she didn't wanted

to read anymore of those

I smile thinking of the silly thoughts

she shared with all her simplicity

I smile when I remember the crazy thoughts 

and feelings i was starting to have for her

 do I understand what love is? I guess I do

what have I gained from love?

I felt things which made me dream

dream about better things for life

a better perspective to see things

to see things from others point of view

to expect just about nothing and appreciate 

feelings that others have for me in better way

In many ways it added a spark which I missed 

so I have loved and lost but not really lost

because I never really had her

but she made me feel what love is

do i understand what love is ? yes i do

p.s - Just an imaginary poem... :p

 

To be in love or to not be in love...

scared to love someone and scared to be loved by anyone....doesn't it sound inhibiting yourself??????....ya certainly it does...why should anyone feel like this??... shouldn't we dare more in life and let ourselves free to feel everything....whatever life throws upon us....Am I holding myself too tight?.....may be...

Why is love so scary????  only answer I can think of is maybe because in love there is nothing we can have control of...absolutely nothing....

Or is it scary at all?...how can a word so beautiful be scary.. .surely it can't be....they say to live is to love...

It depends....if you love someone who loves you back, then its the best thing in the world...but unfortunately if you are not one of those lucky ones having such destiny then its absolute nightmare..it really is...your suffering is proportionate to deepness of your love....you can say that you are happy for him/her, your love is selfless and blah blah...but in the end when dreams are broken, pain is inevitable

Recently sunil told me that its better to be with someone who loves you then trying to be with someone who doesn't....I just asked him doesn't it sound selfish...to stay with someone because she loves me so I will be happy...and what about her ?? isn't love thought to be mutual feeling... love is not be faked....a little hurting is better than giving false hopes and dreams only to break them.....after that  I can say sorry for hundred times and explain her but all this will not change anything for her...and he didn't uttered a word back...

       Its not that as if I am an anti- love person though few people think like that...love can be amazing. It teaches you so many things about yourself and it gives you new perspective for life and so much more...

But life is not a fair affair..its never meant to be..so you have got to prioritize things and here it gets all difficult...love can be awesome and this and that but is it worthwhile to give priority to something which is going to hurt you ?..I know there are people who will say pyar me duniadari nahi dekhi jati ( any other dialogue from bollywood will also suffice) ...but unfortunately this is not reel life...if life had been only about love then I wonder how so many heart broken people manage to live...love is certainly a big part of life but still it is only a part...moreover there are so many people around you in the form of family and friends to love you that not being loved by some AVERAGE guy should not mean that much for you....A guy who is intelligent and looks nice from outset doesn't necessarily means he is...Am not even sure scoring marks in exams equals to intelligence..

  One more thing, Its not that if someone doesn't loves you back then it means that he just doesn't cares...he might be feeling guilty because he can't reciprocate your love, if he is avoiding you on purpose than it doesn't means that he is arrogant, it means that he wants you to focus on your life.....I can't explain much here, even if i do, you won't understand....but a few years later ...you would. You know you are not supposed to run after love.....let love find you...you are awesome just like everyone is and there must be someone around you who can make you feel like that and trust me that will be amazing and then you are going to laugh over all this....life is simple...sometimes we complicate it more than needed...
 
       On a different note I have been listening a lot of Jagjit and chitra..Am not sure about your taste of music but this song is a good one...

     

       Its 1 am already so going to close this post, I don't know if whatever I have written makes any sense for you but anyhow I have kept my word,....and I don't think you expected better than this from me...if you did...I repeat I am just average...nothing more than that..

p.s - Now you can't call me arrogant...you asked me to write for you and see in just 10 minutes..here it is....
 

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara poems

ZNMD was a terrific watch but to top it all the poems in the movie were awesome, written by Javed akhtar and voice was given by multi talented Farhan akhtar. Simple words with deep meaning and I just love it....reading the poems makes you think and reflect on your life...inspiring you in some way....if you really want to feel the poetry I recommend you to download the youtube videos of it.....

Poetry 1
Pighlay neelam sa behta hua yeh samaan
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyaan
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan
Sarsaraati huyi tehniyaan, pattiyaan
Keh rahi hain ki bas ek tum ho yahaan
Sirf main hoon meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein
Aisi gehraiyaan
Aisi tanhaiyaan
Aur main sirf main
Apne honay pe mujhko yaqeen aa gaya

Poetry 2
Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsaas hi ahsaas hai
Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai

Poetry 3 (This one is amazing)

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Poetry 4
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Hawaa ke jhonkon ke jaise azad rehna seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ik naya samaan dekhein yeh nigaahein
Jo apni aankhon mein hairaaniyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

The NOT so poor India

Just read on a forum that "Ek tha Tiger" has smashed all box office records in terms of opening day collection by collecting 32 crores( which in my opinion is huge considering the movie is average at best but its all SAL-MANia). As I was reading this, I don't know from where a comment made by Australian cricketer Matthew Hadyen came to my mind. Few years back when asked about India he described India as "POOR COUNTRY POOR PEOPLE" . Even United Nations has ranked India on 134th place out of 187 nations in term of poverty but is India really poor?

        Swiss Bank Managing Director certainly not agrees that India is poor and he has a reason for that. The personal account deposits by India totals to 1500 billion( 28 lakh crore rupees) which makes India number one in black money deposits. ( It would have been great if black money deposits had been olympics event....India would have won Gold without any competetion). To get an Idea about the hugeness of this amount, the total money deposted in swiss accounts is 13 times India's foreign debt and If that money is brought back India can pay their foreign debt and country can run for more than 20 years tax free. But sadly all this not going to happen because government doesn't want to and everyone knows why .

              Another reason for government inactivity on black money issue might be because of government's thinking that there is no shortage of money in country(atleast not in bank accounts of politicians) and based on this thinking they are throwing around money to different countries such as $1 billion in aid to Bangladesh, one-fifth as grant; $500 million to Myanmar; $300 million to Sri Lanka; $140 million to the Maldives; and hundreds of millions of dollars in new aid to Afghanistan and Nepal.Seriously I don't know what government is trying to do by this lavish free distribution of money when United Nations says that 40% of Indians live for less than a dollar a day but may be our government doesn't think that there are poor people here and how can one be poor in government eyes when if a person can live on 26 rupees a day means he is not poor.

          In fact to certify this poverty theory of government our prime minister ( read Robot singh) was going to launch "harh haath me phone" scheme ( what if there is no "har pet me roti") with 200 minutes of free talktime for poor people. I was hoping Rahul baba would suggest(order) him to also give free message packs to poor youngsters. For now the scheme seems to be postponed may be because if they would give mobiles they will also have to provide electricity to poor people.

       Now coming to the point of India being not poor,if some foreigner argues with you about India being poor just handle him the list of government scams and amount of money involved in them and if he is still not convinced and says that common people are poor here then take him to a Indian wedding and let him see how we "poor" Indians waste money. Needs not to be necessarily a high class wedding or a royal wedding, a middle class wedding would suffice. Royal weddings will be too much because royal wedding are not made in heaven they are made in banks. A middle class wedding will show him how aam aadmi( common man) spends out of their aukaat ( status), that foreign guy might even faint on seeing the amount of gold laden on dulhe ke chachaji ki sali ki buaji (no translation for this :p). 

        For once and all India is NOT poor and Matthew Hayden will agree to this now because after retiring he came running to India to earn money by playing in IPL( money rich tamasha, can't call it cricket).

On a serious note its no hidden fact that there is enough wealth here its just improper distribution of wealth which means 37% people are poor here and that is only because of lack of political will. Its agreed that being a developing nation with huge population poverty is going to be a problem and government can't simply take money from rich people to give to the poor but there are enough sources available to improve the present situation so that no one dares to associate the word poor with India.

          

Random ramblings

Today is 15th aug 2012 which marks 65 years of our independence but seems like guys here are more enthusiastic about "Ek tha Tiger" release. Thanks to vishy akka movie planner we have got tickets for evening show . One more interesting thing is that none of us can be classified as real movie fanatic but of late we have been watching a lot of movies which I think has got lot to do with the fact that recently there has been sudden feeling of boredom in hostel....or am I the only one feeling like this?.....

           There are times when I have lot of free time and I can't think of doing something useful....let alone useful , I can't think of doing anything at all and I hate that. Its like you want to go out and do something really different.....talking of doing something different...well next month is going to be some serious fun and I really hope it all pans out as planned. Vicky is already in delhi, tarun will be there and to add cherry to the cake vikram is also coming so its going to be fabulous four meet....though haven't decided what are we going to do over there but one thing is for sure that stay would be fun. The fact that we also have CDS exam there has taken a back seat to excitement of meeting.


           Hearing to Barkha dutt on NDTV is real pain theses days. She did a commendable job during kargil wars and her column in Hindustan Times comes across as a good read but apart from it hearing her on NDTV live debates, one can clearly see her being biased and irrational.She sounds arrogant and thinks of herself as being too important. There is no hiding that she was clearly involved in Nira Radia episode. Though Arnav Goswami was one of my favorite news anchors but he has also become too loud. He looks angry and asks harsh questions during debates but thats all he has confined himself to...Ravish is the most pleasing one to hear to with his desi accent . Heard them for two days during my recent visit to Guwahati and suddenly I don't miss watching t.v that much now in hostel.


            

Let me do it my way

I don't know why people think that its impossible to clear civil services unless you stop doing everything else in your life and only think about civil services day in day out. In my case, I have been told umpteen times that it will be near to impossible for me to succeed without coaching. Its fine if these sort of suggestions come from strangers but when your friends and relatives start saying things like that, its not going to be of any help for me. I expect motivation and support from people whom I think are part of my life one way or other...there are already enough people to question your efforts. I agree that its going to be tough but is there any harm in trying ??...I have got my priorities sorted out and I am not going to compromise on my academics in any way, in fact I think preparing this year I am in better state of mind because there is no pressure that I have to just do it.

         There is no denying that its hard work and I have to work a little harder than my other mates but in the end I am doing all this for myself so obviously there is no point in complaining. Its not that civil services is be all and end all for me...far from that. I decided to go for medical only after board results were out before that I had all my options open. similarly now also I have kept my all options open.....I know people say that they always wanted to do this, they always wanted to be a doctor or an IAS, this was their dream, that was their dream and there is nothing wrong in it but somehow I have never felt like that (if i had to say then i would say i always wanted to be a cricketer though highest i have played is for my school :p) ...I wish I did but I know one thing that whatever I will do I would succeed because hard work can make everything possible and I am going to push myself to my limits. Its better to do something and succeed than to dream something and fail.

     Theres one quote which goes something like this

              I don't believe in taking right decisions, I take decisions and make them right

I am not trying to say that I will do it because I am the best because I am well aware of the toughness of my chosen road . If I am trying to do something and you can't help me than please let me do it my way.
        

           

From "more than a friend" to "just a friend"

Facebook is somewhat indispensable these days....he was a guy who said that he is not a fan of Facebook  but logged in daily....as he was going through his news feeds as people go through newspapers to see what his friends are up to....friends?? not really ...he wanted to see what SHE is up to...he always did that....always tried to make sense of her status updates..trying to figure out something about her world....though he knew somewhere in his heart that he would be the last one to cross her thoughts..if he ever does  ......

       These day they were not on talking terms but it was not always like this .he loved her and she did tell him that he is "more than a friend"...there were days when she did made him feel as if he was something to her...for some seconds he thought that may be perfect things do happen....but it didn't last long and it was all over..she was not interested and he was (trying to be) determined to not talk to her....not because he didn't want to...because he always messed it up and didn't want to do that again...

      suddenly he received a "hi" from her and he brightened up ....was he expecting it? no..did he want to hear from her ? an obvious yes....( so feelings are still there....what to do about those)

         After a few "hwz u's" and "m fyn"...he tried to be normal( she always wanted him to behave normal) and talk about her brother and her plans about joining college .... after that he couldn't think of anything "normal" to talk about so he thought its better to leave before he does all that messing up again...he didn't want open up his heart again...was he scared to show his feelings ? may be somewhere....before leaving he told her that he is always there for her as a "friend"......and she replied with thanks ( he used to hate her "thanks")..he wished her "gud nyt" and left...or did he? he just went offline....

            so at last he managed to have a normal conversation with her but being a nothing or everything guy he was not sure how long can he manage like this ....talking with her "just as a friend" .........


p.s - This is my first trial with fiction...not sure if this comes exactly under fiction category.
           

Friends : the counselors (in vain)

Friendship is the hardest of relations to define ( unless you have tried understanding love :p) .You don't know when someone becomes your friend..I mean you can't say ok I have met you and I think we have a good understanding of each other and I want to be a part of your life so now from 7:00 pm we are going to be friends, in fact I have never said to my friends that you are my best friend or something like that unless I need some favor and want to persuade them to do something which they don't want to.( emotional blackmailing ;))...and the golden line for these situations is saale dost ke liye itna bhi nahi kar sakta, dekh li teri dosti..and it works every time and it works on me too.

        The best part of friendship is that since it doesn't comes with pre defined roles as in our other relationships, friends play almost every role we need them to. Ask them for a advice on something and suddenly they will give you a lecture which will put Paul Robinson to shame. Today Suraj asked me to help him to select a subject for his optional and the moment he finished his sentence I was on with all my research on every subject which he cannot chose, should not chose, subjects to stay away from...there was only a small matter that I was not able to suggest him a subject to choose:p and how can I when I am still not decided about my own optionals. In the end he admitted that he made a mistake by asking me because now he is even more confused ...beta kya matlab hai tumhara, itna bol bacchan bekar gaya mera....

        Though I have also been on receiving ends of these bol bacchans on several occasions. From the time me and Tarun found out that we devils are made for a life long friendship we have been constantly together and later I found out that even classmates had coined us as rahu-ketu (which we took as a compliment ). Recently when he found out that I am in love with someone he came up with lectures which included every single point under the universe related to a girl and a boy. He did post mortem of my situation and dissected every single thought and came to the conclusion that I am trying too hard for something which is impossible ( as if i didn't knew). To be honest I was really awed by his understanding( though when it comes to girls, he is as bad as I am) and only regret I have now is that I didn't record his conversations, there was enough matter in them for at least 10 posts or may be for a book titled " How to make your friend feel guilty for falling in love"( long title na, well it will give you an idea about the thickness of that imaginary book) . Now I am waiting for him to fall for someone and give some of those lectures back to him :p ( just kidding).
        
          On a different note one of my friends asked me to write a post related to our school teachers..though the idea is very interesting and would definitely think about writing some time later at least KD deserves a post ....and a post about spice girls group would be interesting though risky :p.

P.S - Here "spice girls" does not refers to the British pop group, here I am referring to a group of 4 fashionable girls ( thats what they think about themselves) who happened to be firm believers of YOLO studying in my batch and if anyone of them reads this , I am doomed.