General Elections 2014 results - First look analysis

So as I write this the results are out for 479 seats out of total 543...which means we have almost got a broad idea of what we are going to  get. First of all we should be thankful to Election Commission for the wonderful work it has carried out in conducting the biggest democratic exercise in the world
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                 Without further any adieu some of the facts which could be analyzed after  first look on results are following :-

1 - First thing of notice is that after BJP no other party is getting even 10% votes which means there would be no recognized leader of opposition.

2 - Left parties such as CPI and CPI(M) have been reduced to half the number of seats which they got in previous election which might be signaling to end of communism in India or it can well be case of being affected by Modi Wave ( or Modi Tsunami as BJP supporters would like to say)

3 - Regional parties have been literally destroyed with BSP netting total of ZERO seats and SP being reduced to 5 seats out of which two belong to Mulayam Singh Yadav and one belongs to Dimple yadav.

4 - AAP fared badly though its performance in Delhi is heartening and consoling for AAP supporters but personally little more was expected of them......One might call kejriwal a bhagoda because of his 49 day government in Delhi but They brought some change at least , No one can deny that......Any one who democratic health of the nation would want them to remain in political fray.

5 - BJP has secured more seats in UP than Congress could in entire country ( Now this has to be Modi tsunami) 

      Apart from above there are obvious facts like BJP single handedly getting majority which last happened two decades ago.

Surprising facts / Upsets

1 - Really poor performance of kumar Vishvas
2 - Arun jaitely and Shahnawaz hussain both lost


          And Lastly Rahul Gandhi and to some extent Arvind Kejriwal jokes and memes have already started making rounds on Facebook, tweeter and other social networking sites... Below is best and latest I have read...

                      Rahul Gandhi  has started early preparation for 2019..

            and slogan is: "Tufaan ke baad boonda-bandi, abki baar Rahul Gandhi

This Phase of life

What life has got 

in store for me

whatever I will do

I have to wait and see

Books, papers, pdfs, and docs

life revolves only around them

evenings spent with friends

these days just don't feel the same

You want to do

something different something satisfying

but instead you are forced to do

what everyone else is doing

The insecurities related to future

the nostalgic memories of past

always keep messing up with present

why doesn't this phase of passes fast

P.S- It was a lively evening spent at Assi ghat celebrating Siddhant's Birthday and then the evening spoiler ( isko bhi aaj hi aana tha)........Mains results are out and I am not in.....feels bad ...in fact I never thought it would feel this bad.

 Questions are endless 

and answers are none

it won't even matter

If I answer some of them

.

Only You

 Saying just I love you

is not my way

because words can't convey

what all I would like to say

For you I have feelings

which are beyond words

and I can just wish that

you already know them

And If I ever do something stupid

just get angry with me

but don't get sad like today

because I don't want you to be

Its heartening to know 

how much I mean to you

and I also dont want

anyone, but only YOU

Cricket and Farewell

Cricket and Farewell !!!!!one would think how the hell they are inter related but they are and in a big way too..if not for everyone then at least for us....

      To make the long story short we had a intra faculty cricket tournament in which seven of us were taking part ..six from hostel and Gautam from delegacy....everything was going pretty fine till the morning of the match when suddenly to our surprise we found out that only three of us out of seven were in the playing eleven..Nirbhay was asked to sit out and that too after having the toss...we were startled but since match had started we couldn't do anything but play...Nirbhay showing good sportsmanship by coming on the field as substitute for Ritwik and Gautam helped in scoring...two good players having spent fifteen days in practice were made to sit out for some one who didn't came for practice even once....With some luck and foolish batting from the opposition we went on to win the game....
   
               Now having got the taste of bad management from seniors we decided its enough and we are not going to be part of the team anymore...so what happens next...we were sitting in one room and discussing the incident and Raghvendra Bhaiya comes apologizing for whatever happened and promised in front of everyone that at least four of us will play in the next match but we were not convinced and we met him in the evening and told him that we didn't want to play but he tried to convince us again and requested us to play....we said OK we will play but only if four of us would play and he promises that..its hard to give a cold shoulder to your senior.

        Next morning we are waiting for the game to start and then he comes and asks Job to sit out....Is this a joke or what ..this was too much and we left the ground..all seven of us.

                    Now after all this we decided to not take part in farewell ..farewell to whom ...to those seniors who don't know how to behave with juniors and we seven are not the only one thinking along these lines, those who were not related directly have also echoed the same feeling...saying that it doesn't concern only seven people but the whole batch...Siddhant has been ferocious on this matter and what makes his support even more commendable is that he has good relations with Raghvendra Bhaiya even then he is openly opposing what happened....

   The matter was raised in the class and few girls said that it was not the right thing to do...someone said since seniors have given us freshers party so we have to give them farewell... a girl or two said that they agreed with us but we should take part in farewell to shame the seniors by our goodness( too ideal and world is never meant to be fair and ideal).

So the crux of the matter is that we are not going to be part of the farewell but that doesn't mean we are against farewell or against those who are interested in giving farewell.

PS - Had my birthday on 18th.. nothing special in that...Siddhant and raja gifted A keyboard which I was thinking to buy for sometime...UPSC giving two more chances to veterans have forced me to think for some other jobs...atleast typing would help for a data entry operator job :p

Also activated my third Facebook account( one for family and relatives, one for friends and one for.....) its just too hard to stay away from Facebook

YOU ARE MY BEST MATE

Best friend, best school friend or brother...I am not sure what should I call you but what I am sure is that you would remain my best friend forever and a brother ...you are my best mate and trust me you are the BEST....

           

 

 As long as we are living,
no matter when or where,
if you ever need me
just call and I'll be there

 

First of all it was amazing to hear from you after so many months and secondly I am WAITING for you ....

End of a chaotic week

On the very first day we skipped classes and decided to visit Ramnagar Fort which didn't span out as a very interesting outing. First we had minor verbal clash with the security personnel present there and then we found out that the camera( thanks to Rishabh) we were carrying was not of great quality.

                                          Clicked by Aman....smartest guy of the group


Recently BHU administration decided to increase fee of almost all the courses but the decision was not received well by the students. Students protested in front of VC house and Lanka gate shouting various slogans, some of which were quite interesting and big hit among the students.After three days of student protest the fee hike was taken by BHU administration.

Siddhant at Lanka gate......

Indecisions all around

Someone said that its still winter and I was like.... really? Because I thought may be it was season of In-decisions......Indecision pertaining to some important and some not so important matters. Should I go all out for civil services or play safe and simultaneously devote some time for CGL...Should I follow the syllabus strictly or keep following my strategy( not really a strategy) of being generalist.......Should I work harder or take it easy( as I have done till now)....and most important of all....Should I visit her(YOU...I know you are reading this) now or just keep wishing for the same.

               With all this decision I don't know what to do....I mean these are in many ways petty matters which everyone has to face and you are not exactly expected to get distracted by such trivial matters.

          

            For a change we( me and Siddhant) have switched to Indian express from The Hindu but vendor said that we would be getting previous day's edition...I guess Indian express is little slow :p.

Back to Scribbling

12th September 2012.......This is the last time I had updated my blog. Its been more than 15 months without any post and now I am back to scribbling. But before I could write anything I couldn't stop myself from reading my older posts and it felt like having a conversation with your old friend. Life has moved on so fast. Its amazing how it feels like nothing has changed on daily basis but after a year or two everything around you is changed.

                   One of the things with writing after a long time is that you just don't know from where to start...so many things...so many thoughts...where the hell do you start.

Sometimes when I look back I find whatever plans I had made for myself, if there were any at all, haven't quite materialized the way I wanted them to be but am I complaining...NO...In fact to be honest last year or so have been one of the most satisfying period of late. Academic life has gone the right way I believe and on the personal front It has been truly AMAZING.( more about it in later posts....and there are going to be many of those).

someone somewhere.....

Falling for her was easy

loving her is still easy

hard part is accepting

that she is not mine

that feeling for her

was so intense

if it wasn't love then

it was something unexplainable

yeah,..unexplainable it was

i couldn't tell her enough of it

she didn't understand even a little

At this exact moment

i feel like talking to her

but that will not be right

she is doing so fine there

she says she has found 

the love of her life

I know,in sometime

I will be fine & life goes on

but without her

life looks little less then perfect

May be for once more

I wish I could tell her

no matter where you go

just remember someone somewhere

thinks of you and wishes you well and

someone somewhere still loves you........

 

 

Life....and afterthoughts

Social service health camps are one of the initiatives by government hospitals to provide health services to more and more people. One of the things I have seen here is that Doctors want their names to be put forward for camps, not because they want to do social service, some of them might be but the main thing is that they get appreciation certificate for working in camps which will help them further in their careers which is not a bad thing in itself but since social service is not their main objective they rarely do it properly. Mostly BPL( below poverty level) families come in these sort of camps and its amazing how the same doctor who can't stop himself from addressing his junior as "shraddha ji"  yells at that young rural lady "tujhe test karane ko bola tha na" and that poor lady shrinks more in herself ......poverty is not only about lack of roti kapda aur makaan..poor people suffer from more than that...

                  In our weekly hospital sessions seeing that ultra enthusiastic 4 year old running in corridor I asked him ..." Chotuu kya naam hai tumhara" he whispered something but I couldn't listen...I was going to ask him about his school but seeing his clothing and his mom's condition I inferred he might not be going to school yet....and then I remembered the train journey when 5 year old pranjal was telling me enthusiastically about his teachers and he went on and on...his mother was SBI employee...whole journey his mom kept giving instructions..beta don't do this..don't do that...atleast chotuu was free to run in the corridor...

                               Hindu aur muslim ye to sirf dharm hain
                               insaan ki to do hi jaatiya hain amir aur gareeb

Yesterday went to Trivedi's sir house.He is a faculty member of krishna coaching classes..I didn't know that he was a member of SWS (its a NGO, smile welfare society) but the walls of the first room which I presume was the guest room was filled with his photos and memoirs of his charity works...Taking pride on your good deeds is not bad but it was too much...it was as if the walls were screaming "look here how great I am ... I do charity for society "....people want to do good things but at the same time they yearn for fame and reputation..Its not anymore like "neki kar dariya me daal" now a days its more like "neki kar notice board par daal" or for that matter  "facebook pe daal".but why blame only Mr. Trivedi we all are like him, everyone wants fame and reputation......its startling when we look back and see how stupid we were and in afterthoughts how intelligent we become....sometimes I think if I would have lived in afterthoughts I would have been pretty close to becoming CEO of some MNC..

Do I understand what love is????

Do I understand what love is?

not sure ...but I guess a little bit

a little bit ,which is too much

haven't loved and lost because never had her

still there is something I miss

something which was never there

but still occupied a space in my heart

heart which was engraved by her thoughts

thoughts of loving her and being loved

but do thoughts matter in love??

do I understand what love is? not sure

Filled my heart with emotions

and left, not once but twice

she didn't even stayed for a while

just crossed across my path

to leave me longing and waiting

love is not meant to be fair I guess

all this waiting and yearning hurts

the sudden emptiness of dreams hurts

the unspoken words still long to be heard

but they say pain is also a part of love

do I understand what is love? a little bit

But hurting is not all that love is

because I smile when I think of the

late night conversations we had

I smile thinking how stupid I was

to write such mails to her

no wonder she didn't wanted

to read anymore of those

I smile thinking of the silly thoughts

she shared with all her simplicity

I smile when I remember the crazy thoughts 

and feelings i was starting to have for her

 do I understand what love is? I guess I do

what have I gained from love?

I felt things which made me dream

dream about better things for life

a better perspective to see things

to see things from others point of view

to expect just about nothing and appreciate 

feelings that others have for me in better way

In many ways it added a spark which I missed 

so I have loved and lost but not really lost

because I never really had her

but she made me feel what love is

do i understand what love is ? yes i do

p.s - Just an imaginary poem... :p

 

To be in love or to not be in love...

scared to love someone and scared to be loved by anyone....doesn't it sound inhibiting yourself??????....ya certainly it does...why should anyone feel like this??... shouldn't we dare more in life and let ourselves free to feel everything....whatever life throws upon us....Am I holding myself too tight?.....may be...

Why is love so scary????  only answer I can think of is maybe because in love there is nothing we can have control of...absolutely nothing....

Or is it scary at all?...how can a word so beautiful be scary.. .surely it can't be....they say to live is to love...

It depends....if you love someone who loves you back, then its the best thing in the world...but unfortunately if you are not one of those lucky ones having such destiny then its absolute nightmare..it really is...your suffering is proportionate to deepness of your love....you can say that you are happy for him/her, your love is selfless and blah blah...but in the end when dreams are broken, pain is inevitable

Recently sunil told me that its better to be with someone who loves you then trying to be with someone who doesn't....I just asked him doesn't it sound selfish...to stay with someone because she loves me so I will be happy...and what about her ?? isn't love thought to be mutual feeling... love is not be faked....a little hurting is better than giving false hopes and dreams only to break them.....after that  I can say sorry for hundred times and explain her but all this will not change anything for her...and he didn't uttered a word back...

       Its not that as if I am an anti- love person though few people think like that...love can be amazing. It teaches you so many things about yourself and it gives you new perspective for life and so much more...

But life is not a fair affair..its never meant to be..so you have got to prioritize things and here it gets all difficult...love can be awesome and this and that but is it worthwhile to give priority to something which is going to hurt you ?..I know there are people who will say pyar me duniadari nahi dekhi jati ( any other dialogue from bollywood will also suffice) ...but unfortunately this is not reel life...if life had been only about love then I wonder how so many heart broken people manage to live...love is certainly a big part of life but still it is only a part...moreover there are so many people around you in the form of family and friends to love you that not being loved by some AVERAGE guy should not mean that much for you....A guy who is intelligent and looks nice from outset doesn't necessarily means he is...Am not even sure scoring marks in exams equals to intelligence..

  One more thing, Its not that if someone doesn't loves you back then it means that he just doesn't cares...he might be feeling guilty because he can't reciprocate your love, if he is avoiding you on purpose than it doesn't means that he is arrogant, it means that he wants you to focus on your life.....I can't explain much here, even if i do, you won't understand....but a few years later ...you would. You know you are not supposed to run after love.....let love find you...you are awesome just like everyone is and there must be someone around you who can make you feel like that and trust me that will be amazing and then you are going to laugh over all this....life is simple...sometimes we complicate it more than needed...
 
       On a different note I have been listening a lot of Jagjit and chitra..Am not sure about your taste of music but this song is a good one...

     

       Its 1 am already so going to close this post, I don't know if whatever I have written makes any sense for you but anyhow I have kept my word,....and I don't think you expected better than this from me...if you did...I repeat I am just average...nothing more than that..

p.s - Now you can't call me arrogant...you asked me to write for you and see in just 10 minutes..here it is....
 

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara poems

ZNMD was a terrific watch but to top it all the poems in the movie were awesome, written by Javed akhtar and voice was given by multi talented Farhan akhtar. Simple words with deep meaning and I just love it....reading the poems makes you think and reflect on your life...inspiring you in some way....if you really want to feel the poetry I recommend you to download the youtube videos of it.....

Poetry 1
Pighlay neelam sa behta hua yeh samaan
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyaan
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan
Sarsaraati huyi tehniyaan, pattiyaan
Keh rahi hain ki bas ek tum ho yahaan
Sirf main hoon meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein
Aisi gehraiyaan
Aisi tanhaiyaan
Aur main sirf main
Apne honay pe mujhko yaqeen aa gaya

Poetry 2
Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsaas hi ahsaas hai
Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai

Poetry 3 (This one is amazing)

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Poetry 4
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Hawaa ke jhonkon ke jaise azad rehna seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ik naya samaan dekhein yeh nigaahein
Jo apni aankhon mein hairaaniyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

The NOT so poor India

Just read on a forum that "Ek tha Tiger" has smashed all box office records in terms of opening day collection by collecting 32 crores( which in my opinion is huge considering the movie is average at best but its all SAL-MANia). As I was reading this, I don't know from where a comment made by Australian cricketer Matthew Hadyen came to my mind. Few years back when asked about India he described India as "POOR COUNTRY POOR PEOPLE" . Even United Nations has ranked India on 134th place out of 187 nations in term of poverty but is India really poor?

        Swiss Bank Managing Director certainly not agrees that India is poor and he has a reason for that. The personal account deposits by India totals to 1500 billion( 28 lakh crore rupees) which makes India number one in black money deposits. ( It would have been great if black money deposits had been olympics event....India would have won Gold without any competetion). To get an Idea about the hugeness of this amount, the total money deposted in swiss accounts is 13 times India's foreign debt and If that money is brought back India can pay their foreign debt and country can run for more than 20 years tax free. But sadly all this not going to happen because government doesn't want to and everyone knows why .

              Another reason for government inactivity on black money issue might be because of government's thinking that there is no shortage of money in country(atleast not in bank accounts of politicians) and based on this thinking they are throwing around money to different countries such as $1 billion in aid to Bangladesh, one-fifth as grant; $500 million to Myanmar; $300 million to Sri Lanka; $140 million to the Maldives; and hundreds of millions of dollars in new aid to Afghanistan and Nepal.Seriously I don't know what government is trying to do by this lavish free distribution of money when United Nations says that 40% of Indians live for less than a dollar a day but may be our government doesn't think that there are poor people here and how can one be poor in government eyes when if a person can live on 26 rupees a day means he is not poor.

          In fact to certify this poverty theory of government our prime minister ( read Robot singh) was going to launch "harh haath me phone" scheme ( what if there is no "har pet me roti") with 200 minutes of free talktime for poor people. I was hoping Rahul baba would suggest(order) him to also give free message packs to poor youngsters. For now the scheme seems to be postponed may be because if they would give mobiles they will also have to provide electricity to poor people.

       Now coming to the point of India being not poor,if some foreigner argues with you about India being poor just handle him the list of government scams and amount of money involved in them and if he is still not convinced and says that common people are poor here then take him to a Indian wedding and let him see how we "poor" Indians waste money. Needs not to be necessarily a high class wedding or a royal wedding, a middle class wedding would suffice. Royal weddings will be too much because royal wedding are not made in heaven they are made in banks. A middle class wedding will show him how aam aadmi( common man) spends out of their aukaat ( status), that foreign guy might even faint on seeing the amount of gold laden on dulhe ke chachaji ki sali ki buaji (no translation for this :p). 

        For once and all India is NOT poor and Matthew Hayden will agree to this now because after retiring he came running to India to earn money by playing in IPL( money rich tamasha, can't call it cricket).

On a serious note its no hidden fact that there is enough wealth here its just improper distribution of wealth which means 37% people are poor here and that is only because of lack of political will. Its agreed that being a developing nation with huge population poverty is going to be a problem and government can't simply take money from rich people to give to the poor but there are enough sources available to improve the present situation so that no one dares to associate the word poor with India.

          

Random ramblings

Today is 15th aug 2012 which marks 65 years of our independence but seems like guys here are more enthusiastic about "Ek tha Tiger" release. Thanks to vishy akka movie planner we have got tickets for evening show . One more interesting thing is that none of us can be classified as real movie fanatic but of late we have been watching a lot of movies which I think has got lot to do with the fact that recently there has been sudden feeling of boredom in hostel....or am I the only one feeling like this?.....

           There are times when I have lot of free time and I can't think of doing something useful....let alone useful , I can't think of doing anything at all and I hate that. Its like you want to go out and do something really different.....talking of doing something different...well next month is going to be some serious fun and I really hope it all pans out as planned. Vicky is already in delhi, tarun will be there and to add cherry to the cake vikram is also coming so its going to be fabulous four meet....though haven't decided what are we going to do over there but one thing is for sure that stay would be fun. The fact that we also have CDS exam there has taken a back seat to excitement of meeting.


           Hearing to Barkha dutt on NDTV is real pain theses days. She did a commendable job during kargil wars and her column in Hindustan Times comes across as a good read but apart from it hearing her on NDTV live debates, one can clearly see her being biased and irrational.She sounds arrogant and thinks of herself as being too important. There is no hiding that she was clearly involved in Nira Radia episode. Though Arnav Goswami was one of my favorite news anchors but he has also become too loud. He looks angry and asks harsh questions during debates but thats all he has confined himself to...Ravish is the most pleasing one to hear to with his desi accent . Heard them for two days during my recent visit to Guwahati and suddenly I don't miss watching t.v that much now in hostel.


            

Let me do it my way

I don't know why people think that its impossible to clear civil services unless you stop doing everything else in your life and only think about civil services day in day out. In my case, I have been told umpteen times that it will be near to impossible for me to succeed without coaching. Its fine if these sort of suggestions come from strangers but when your friends and relatives start saying things like that, its not going to be of any help for me. I expect motivation and support from people whom I think are part of my life one way or other...there are already enough people to question your efforts. I agree that its going to be tough but is there any harm in trying ??...I have got my priorities sorted out and I am not going to compromise on my academics in any way, in fact I think preparing this year I am in better state of mind because there is no pressure that I have to just do it.

         There is no denying that its hard work and I have to work a little harder than my other mates but in the end I am doing all this for myself so obviously there is no point in complaining. Its not that civil services is be all and end all for me...far from that. I decided to go for medical only after board results were out before that I had all my options open. similarly now also I have kept my all options open.....I know people say that they always wanted to do this, they always wanted to be a doctor or an IAS, this was their dream, that was their dream and there is nothing wrong in it but somehow I have never felt like that (if i had to say then i would say i always wanted to be a cricketer though highest i have played is for my school :p) ...I wish I did but I know one thing that whatever I will do I would succeed because hard work can make everything possible and I am going to push myself to my limits. Its better to do something and succeed than to dream something and fail.

     Theres one quote which goes something like this

              I don't believe in taking right decisions, I take decisions and make them right

I am not trying to say that I will do it because I am the best because I am well aware of the toughness of my chosen road . If I am trying to do something and you can't help me than please let me do it my way.
        

           

From "more than a friend" to "just a friend"

Facebook is somewhat indispensable these days....he was a guy who said that he is not a fan of Facebook  but logged in daily....as he was going through his news feeds as people go through newspapers to see what his friends are up to....friends?? not really ...he wanted to see what SHE is up to...he always did that....always tried to make sense of her status updates..trying to figure out something about her world....though he knew somewhere in his heart that he would be the last one to cross her thoughts..if he ever does  ......

       These day they were not on talking terms but it was not always like this .he loved her and she did tell him that he is "more than a friend"...there were days when she did made him feel as if he was something to her...for some seconds he thought that may be perfect things do happen....but it didn't last long and it was all over..she was not interested and he was (trying to be) determined to not talk to her....not because he didn't want to...because he always messed it up and didn't want to do that again...

      suddenly he received a "hi" from her and he brightened up ....was he expecting it? no..did he want to hear from her ? an obvious yes....( so feelings are still there....what to do about those)

         After a few "hwz u's" and "m fyn"...he tried to be normal( she always wanted him to behave normal) and talk about her brother and her plans about joining college .... after that he couldn't think of anything "normal" to talk about so he thought its better to leave before he does all that messing up again...he didn't want open up his heart again...was he scared to show his feelings ? may be somewhere....before leaving he told her that he is always there for her as a "friend"......and she replied with thanks ( he used to hate her "thanks")..he wished her "gud nyt" and left...or did he? he just went offline....

            so at last he managed to have a normal conversation with her but being a nothing or everything guy he was not sure how long can he manage like this ....talking with her "just as a friend" .........


p.s - This is my first trial with fiction...not sure if this comes exactly under fiction category.
           

Friends : the counselors (in vain)

Friendship is the hardest of relations to define ( unless you have tried understanding love :p) .You don't know when someone becomes your friend..I mean you can't say ok I have met you and I think we have a good understanding of each other and I want to be a part of your life so now from 7:00 pm we are going to be friends, in fact I have never said to my friends that you are my best friend or something like that unless I need some favor and want to persuade them to do something which they don't want to.( emotional blackmailing ;))...and the golden line for these situations is saale dost ke liye itna bhi nahi kar sakta, dekh li teri dosti..and it works every time and it works on me too.

        The best part of friendship is that since it doesn't comes with pre defined roles as in our other relationships, friends play almost every role we need them to. Ask them for a advice on something and suddenly they will give you a lecture which will put Paul Robinson to shame. Today Suraj asked me to help him to select a subject for his optional and the moment he finished his sentence I was on with all my research on every subject which he cannot chose, should not chose, subjects to stay away from...there was only a small matter that I was not able to suggest him a subject to choose:p and how can I when I am still not decided about my own optionals. In the end he admitted that he made a mistake by asking me because now he is even more confused ...beta kya matlab hai tumhara, itna bol bacchan bekar gaya mera....

        Though I have also been on receiving ends of these bol bacchans on several occasions. From the time me and Tarun found out that we devils are made for a life long friendship we have been constantly together and later I found out that even classmates had coined us as rahu-ketu (which we took as a compliment ). Recently when he found out that I am in love with someone he came up with lectures which included every single point under the universe related to a girl and a boy. He did post mortem of my situation and dissected every single thought and came to the conclusion that I am trying too hard for something which is impossible ( as if i didn't knew). To be honest I was really awed by his understanding( though when it comes to girls, he is as bad as I am) and only regret I have now is that I didn't record his conversations, there was enough matter in them for at least 10 posts or may be for a book titled " How to make your friend feel guilty for falling in love"( long title na, well it will give you an idea about the thickness of that imaginary book) . Now I am waiting for him to fall for someone and give some of those lectures back to him :p ( just kidding).
        
          On a different note one of my friends asked me to write a post related to our school teachers..though the idea is very interesting and would definitely think about writing some time later at least KD deserves a post ....and a post about spice girls group would be interesting though risky :p.

P.S - Here "spice girls" does not refers to the British pop group, here I am referring to a group of 4 fashionable girls ( thats what they think about themselves) who happened to be firm believers of YOLO studying in my batch and if anyone of them reads this , I am doomed.

Getting hang of my own thoughts

Sitting alone in my room I am trying to type down my thoughts, thoughts which are unsure,jumbled and wandering all around. Writing all theses thoughts there is a sense of calmness, the same calmness which surrounds the sea shore after a storm. Its like I was expecting all this and waiting for it to happen though I didn’t want to…but it was inevitable  
                 It’s been a while now since I knew that I really loved her, and I have tried to both show and tell her in so many ways… and I think she knows it now, if not, then it means I haven’t done enough but I hope she does. It’s not a whim or a momentary thing that will change with the weather or the seasons. It is love and I didn’t love her because I need to be in a relationship, or because I’m lonely. I love her because of who she is… because she is the exact person I have been looking for. Because I love each moment I get to talk to her. Because to me she is so beautiful in every way possible! Because just the thought of her makes me happy. When I think of her, I can’t help but think of so many great plans… adventures… sweet moments together, so happy. So much that could have been.
       
               To say that she is likeable would be an understatement…she is irresistibly lovable. To know her more is like keep knowing someone who is just different from everyone else…different in the sense that she is so much herself all the time. Not the kind of girl who tries to impress you and some of the things she said are so overwhelming that you can just amaze about it. She is a girl whose conversations are sometimes more matured than her age and at the same time she is unsure of her shopping sense and not even hesitant to admit it. Kind of girl you can depend on at the same time can take care of . There is something about her which tells me that she is the one worth my efforts but during all this time I have also tried to see other things… her side of things. I have observed her get excited about her plans with everybody else, and observed her hesitate about any plans with me. Sometimes I’m the afterthought, or the no thought at all, and the priorities seldom ever seem fall on my side. Her answers for me are always so noncommittal. It’s almost always me reaching out for her hand asking her to stay.
           
                    I’m not sure if she is afraid that I will eventually hurt her (I won’t) or that I’ll keep her from being free to be herself (I wouldn’t) or if the truth is that I’m simply not there in her heart. May be it all comes down to the fact that we were never close enough so that she can know me and this the only thing I regret because there is something which tells me that we were meant to be with each other…I am under no illusions, I know I am not the kind of guy a girl would fall for in first look and or the kind of guy who could make a girl fall for him over phone calls, In fact most of the time talking to her I found myself lost for words. There might be other negatives such as being too expecting or persuading as she pointed out few times and I don’t deny it because she must have felt that. There were times when even I also felt that I am being selfish. I wanted to meet her though now she might not be interested in that.
              But to be honest even with all this, I thought that I was good enough for someone I would love, all these years everyone around me made me feel like that but it was not to be. I have always thought that if you love someone then you must feel happy because love should give you hope, inspiration and happiness. If you are in love but your days don’t look brighter and you are not inspired to work for future with your loved one then there is definitely something wrong either in you or in your love. For me there were times when I was desperate and didn’t liked all that confusion and complications around but now when everything is almost over, I feel I long for those things but being the girl she is , she doesn’t want me to hang around for her and I understand that.


                  Now I don’t want myself to resent because of my one-sided love. The truth is difficult to accept but may be she has discovered that she has nothing for me, and I have to find a way to come to terms with it, because to love somebody truly who does not love you back is to die a little every day. It’s so very hard…And more importantly, I love her so much that all I truly want for her is to be in love with someone the way that I am in love with her, and to have him love her back just the same. she deserves that, everyone deserves it. If that someone is not me (but I wish with all my heart it could have been), then I should get out of the way so that she can find someone as perfect for her as I think she is for me. I think its supposed to be done like this………
I don’t want to think like that its over for forever, even if it might be the case here…..

Quantum funda of life

I have always found Quantum physics fascinating though I have never understood it completely ( but who has? ). There have been times when driven by certain enthusiasm I have thought, alright this week I am going to get over this quantum thing but i always get stuck somewhere and enthusiasm rarely stays that long. One of the things with quantum theory is it sounds very silly but its unquestionably correct, at least till now not a single experiment has defied it.

       Its said that Quantum physics is observable either at micro level or at macro level. It explains the existence and movement of atomic particle and also behavior of superconductors and super fluids. But apart from these things quantum theory also explains our life and world.....trust me really it does. ok not in that scientific sense (:P) but when you are sitting in a library with 'Feynman's lecture on physics" in your hand unable to comprehend it, you are bound to come up with your own theories. (and you also get some astonished stares from mates if you are a fiction lover like me :p)

       Quantum physics says that movement of sub atomic particles is inherently random and so is our life. You don't know whats going to happen next moment.( much like our Indian cricket team's performances, scores 300 one day and next day collapses for 140 :p).
       Quantum physics says it is physically impossible to know both the position and momentum of a particle at the same time, the more precisely one is known the less precise the measurement of other is and how true it is. There are times when we are really sure of our feelings and views but can't comprehend the feelings and views of others, the more sure we get of ourselves invariably we get unsure of others.I really feel here for Schrodinger, poor guy formulated a equation and the moment they tried to locate the particle the wave equation collapsed and when he was asked why this, his response was " just shut up and calculate". When asked about his involvement with quantum theory this was his response " i don't like it and i am sorry that i ever had anything to do with it". When people like him find quantum physics hard then what about a average guy like me ( that Schrodinger's cat just never dies :p) . 
   
       One of the really interesting postulates of quantum theory is that a sub atomic particle acts like wave and particle at the same time and it all depends on what the experimenter wants to see. This one works well in harmony with human nature and life. The way we perceive life really depends on us. Good times bad times, happiness sadness its all relative. But the best part of quantum physics is MWI. MWI means many worlds interpretation and it is amazing. According to it every moment the world splits into as many parallel worlds as there are possible outcomes of your action. Imagine you propose your childhood crush but she declines you and you feel broken but wait...the moment you proposed her your world got split into two and in other parallel world she has accepted your proposal and both of you are sitting side by side, holding each others hands and looking at the setting sun ( sounds too filmy na ..mujhe bhi :p). On the same note some experiments have proved that that “the two photons are so intimately bound up that it is justified to consider them as part of one physical entity even though they are spatially separate ( do jism ek jaan :p). So now lovers can explain (confuse) their parents about their love using quantum physics.

     Its getting late and i am not still not over this quantum funda even after such a long post. I guess its taking too many words and a thumb rule is that when you take too many words to explain something that means first you need to understand it better......errrr this means Quantum theory i have to read you again (not really).

Going to end up with two good lines.

Once Bohr remarked that anyone who has not been shocked by Quantum physics hasn't really understood it

Richard Feynman said that I can safely say that nobody understands quantum physics.

The awesome thing about above lines is that even when you replace "quantum physics" with "life" they still make sense.